party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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