im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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