I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
