did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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