did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
