My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
