South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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