When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Everyone says I win the strip club
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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