ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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