thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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