Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
