So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Randomize
