Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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