um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
