I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
My vagina is officially offended.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
