How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
