Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
