some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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