I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
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