I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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