You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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