My girlfriend figured out who you are.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
