I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
