Old men and throwing up are my life now.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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