i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Just cropdusted the office
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
