i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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