yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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