watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Holy sore nipples Batman
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
