Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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