Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
