who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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