3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
