Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
