Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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