On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
