How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
