those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
