Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Farmville is her only friend.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
