my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
