apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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