meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
