I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
