I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Randomize
