She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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