i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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