i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Randomize
