whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
