The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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