dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
