awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
