would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
my shit smells like andre
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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