It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
