What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Randomize
