i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Randomize
