I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
