i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
