what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
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she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
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There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize