this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
