It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
