And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
