i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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