I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
