So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
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