Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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