Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
