He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
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Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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