He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
