i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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