Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
