the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
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