Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Randomize
