How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
