And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
